I would like to pride myself on being an open Dad. Years and years as a youth worker of being candid with young people who were otherwise naive about sex and relationships would put me in a good stead to have “that conversation” with my child.
I reckoned that having young people ask me from the most innocent questions about whether they are still virgins if they have dry sex (look it up), or if they can get pregnant from oral sex, to the more extreme questions where I had to answer with my poshest regent voice to save myself from embarrassment, would set me up as unflappable.
So on a recent trip to France my youngest decided to ask the question, “Dad, what is an orgasm?”. Let me hastily add that this is a question I think if I still asked my parents they would either change the subject or end up in A&E.
Anyhoo, so my youngest wanted to know if an orgasm is where a group of consenting adults came together for sex. At this moment I wondered if she had overheard my conversation with my dear wife that, not too far from us, a stately home hosts parties where people put their keys in a bowl. And no we have no intention of going, we were just concerned about property prices!!
I replied “No when people have group sex, that is called an orgy.”
“Oh yes” she replied, “wrong word. So what is an orgasm?”
If you have never witnessed a person of my deep mahogany hue blush before, that was the time. My cheeks could have heated a whole terrace of houses.
I breathed deeply.
“So an orgasm is when a couple reach that moment of nirvana in sex. Where the bodies are heightened to a state that all is let loose. And then…” (yes I did the duck face)
My eldest laughed at my inept explanation and, as with so many of these things, it was left to my good wife to explain in more subtle and intricate details both the mechanics and emotions of an orgasm.
As someone whose work is about presentations and communications, I really thought I had this in the bag with two daughters, but evidently there is a bit of work to on my own personal development.
In the meantime, I think I will console myself in the fact that I did a lot better than these guys.